Have a Blackjack Joke ?

C

Cplcam

Member
A woman playing blackjack got two tens, asked a man next to her: "do you know when is the right time to split tens?"
The man smiled and answered when the table is full and your buddies need a seat.
 
jack.jackson

jack.jackson

Well-Known Member
The other Day I was playing Backjack against a Female Dealer when.........

She proceeded to ask me after winning a hand if I enjoyed her Bust....well ya...I thought,: its nice!:rolleyes: She then proceeded by telling me, She thought I would be getting a BJ Soon Hell ya.....I thought, this must be my LuckDay:grin: Upon Dealing me a A3 vs 6, She said SoftHands are good....How about Double the Action? Ive heard of being Straight-forward, but this chick was coming of the walls:whip: On the next hand, I had a Hard16 and was about to Bust when She Announced Shuffle!!!!
During the Shuffle She Asked me If I wanted some Deep-Penetration?? I said the Deeper the Better!! She Says: Okay but, it's gonna cost you. I said, "That's Fine...but, I dont pay for prostitutes!!! She the proceeded to Smack me and said What the hell you Talking about:eek:
 
C

Cplcam

Member
Another

A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband.
"To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 to do what I do for you for free!"
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.
"I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1000 a year!"
 
zengrifter

zengrifter

Banned
Two card counters are leaving the casino and the one proclaims, "We got the advantage!!"
and the other replies, "Ya, well they got the f**king money again!"
 
R

Rich64

Member
Playing at the Stardust years ago, talking to a local older lady next to me. She says her husband died a few years back..I say "Oh, I'm sorry".
She says "that's OK, you didn't do it". It was a fun table.
 
R

runningaces

Well-Known Member
Playing at a strip casino about a month ago I was up about 2k and my thought process is I should get outta here, but everything was perfect no pit, 0 heat, I guess the eye in the sky is always there. When a friendly dealer says to me in a head up game " I hate my effin job, takem for as much as you can" " they give me part time hours and no benefits" I replied with I'm sorry to hear that, and yes I've been quite lucky here but I'm thinking I should leave. He then winked and said that would prob. be a good move.

I've been back to this place twice and heat is minimal yet.
 
C

Cplcam

Member
Vacation in Vegas

Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation.

The first guy says "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my old lady flings her arms & hollers, "7 come 11" all night & I haven't had a wink of sleep!"

The second guy says "I know what you mean...my old lady played black jack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers "hit me light or hit me hard", and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"

The third guy says "You guys think you have it bad! My old lady played the slots the whole time we were there and I wake up each morning with a sore d*ck and an a$$ full of quarters."
 
T

TENNBEAR

Well-Known Member
While sitting playing blackjack I tell the female dealer that this is my first time to this casino, but you remind of somone else, but I am not sure who.
Several hands later after losing a hand I suddendly announce " I know who you remind me of ;my wife, she is always taking my money too.
 
aslan

aslan

Well-Known Member
I know the next time I hear the ploppies say that we all have to work as a team I'm going to tell everyone at the table to give me one unit or I'm going to hit my twelve against a dealer thirteen. Now, that would be teamwork. Would it be extortion if I pulled the same remark with a sixteen against a dealer six? No, probably not, just stupidity.
 
B

BlackChipBlackJack

Member
runningaces said:
Playing at a strip casino about a month ago I was up about 2k and my thought process is I should get outta here, but everything was perfect no pit, 0 heat, I guess the eye in the sky is always there. When a friendly dealer says to me in a head up game " I hate my effin job, takem for as much as you can" " they give me part time hours and no benefits" I replied with I'm sorry to hear that, and yes I've been quite lucky here but I'm thinking I should leave. He then winked and said that would prob. be a good move.

I've been back to this place twice and heat is minimal yet.
Click to expand...
good joke......
 
Sonny

Sonny

Well-Known Member
One of my favorites:

A guy comes rushing into his house and screams, "Baby, pack your bags! I just won $300,000 at the blackjack table!" His wife runs downstairs, laughing with delight! She says, "That’s great darling! Should I pack for the beaches or the mountains?" He replies, "Why should I care? As long as you’re out of my house by midnight!"

-Sonny-
 
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