It never used to. I always thought long-term and didn't care about my short term results, but for whatever reason lately I started noticing on Verite that I never lose more than 3 shoes, and very rarely 3 shoes at all when I backcount so that thought has gone into my head and maybe it's turning me into subconsciously having a ploppy mindset slowly and I need to stop that. Of course, believe it or not, I NEVER tilt at the tables and always bet according to plan and lately never even play a negative count. I guess all the stress ever since I moved here has got me going a bit crazy. So many thoughts just going into my head.
I even started to think heads up is a scam partly because I haven't been able to sim heads up. Every time I sim it on CVCX I get some weird results I dont know why. Looking back my BIGGEST losses always came from playing heads up when I spread to 2 hands and I've never been killed that same way when I backcount compared to heads up. Of course I've also had my biggest wins from heads up and yes you get more rounds in per hour heads up, but not necessarily. Just feels everytime I play heads up and I spread to 2 hands, my max bets get wiped out more than not and I'll have a shoe from hell such as a -3k loss which NEVER happens backcounting. Maybe another ploppy thing entering my mind these days. Hopefully someone can show me a sim of Halves, indices from -1 to +11 wong out at -1 heads up 1x15-2x200 and tell me what the standard deviation is per hour. When I backcount my std dev per hour is around 1k per hour.
Maybe it's the feeling thaat my bankroll would be over 70k had I just stayed home and waited another year before making the move. Watching my bankroll stagnate due to expenses over the last year feels like I've been stuck in time and just wasted a year of my life. I guess I should've forced myself to play more, but I haven't been used to playing 'full time', so it's been an adjustment to say the least.