Well, over the last week or so, I got to experience a bunch of variance.
The flow went like this: Big loss -> Big loss -> Big win -> Big loss -> Big win. There was very little breaking even to be done. Annoyingly, the big wins seemed to be concentrated on one particular local casino, I might be beating them up pretty bad. No amount of ratholing can disguise dumb luck.
The week was a net loss. Bankroll snapshot:
almost $37k.
Random anecdote: One place had some sort of pit boss lunch hour going on, so PCs were moving in and out of the games like crazy (probably worse than a shift change). One of them was really hawking my play. None of the other PCs were doing anything similar, so I don't think I have a systemic problem at this joint, but it was a useful time to practice on my progression betting scheme.
Angsty Emotional Stuff: I was pretty demoralized when I started the week with two big losses (which followed a losing week, which followed a losing Vegas trip). While driving home, I had plenty of time to stew over them. And then I remembered what it was like stewing over losses in the old days (a year or so ago).
It was kind of like being comforted by an old friend. Losing still sucks. I think I'm still a little bit put off my increased betting levels. If I were to merely divide all the results by 10, then they'd reasonably compare to the swings I had with a $3000 bankroll. However, now, I'm winning or losing multiple paychecks at once. And the scary part is that I'm
starting to get used to it.
What hasn't changed
at all is being in the middle of a losing streak, and projecting the results into infinity, and seeing the ultimate tapout waiting for me. That part hasn't changed. Being in a streak still
feels like it's going to last forever.
But what has definitely changed is this: When I was making my first few trips, I was so excited/scared going into a casino that I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest (this might be what civilians feel when they go gambling). That feeling is now completely dead. Now, when I walk in the door, I'm just an unfeeling Terminator sent from the future to (potentially) extract a (potentially) unknown amount of money from the casinos.
Scary Story: Last week it got
interesting at an Indian joint. Coming back from a bathroom break, I noticed an employee standing around who at first thought was a supervisor/manager, but then see the name tag identifying her as with the
Gaming Commission, and I don't usually see those folks around. At first I thought "Oh that's cool, she's on my side." And then I thought "Wait, this is the
Tribal Gaming Commission, she's not on my side!". Then I realized "Well, at best, the Gaming Commission would be a neutral party, but still,
nothing good can come of this". The Gaming rep could have been there for any of a
wide variety of
perfectly reasonable reasons... but a few other possible reasons might have been James Grosjean/Ken Uston levels of badness. That combined with an apparant reconfiguration of security personnel around the pit, led me to think it was a good time to cut my session short.
Paranoia on my part? Almost definitely. But that's okay, I would have needed to end my session soon anyway.
... anyone want to cash some Indian casino chips for me?